Marriage

7 Things Wives Should Tell Their Husbands

April 5, 2016

Words of encouragement is my love language but not Mark’s. I absolutely love it when Mark compliments me. In fact, I NEED him to compliment me! Sometimes I forget, though, that he also needs affirmation from me even if it’s not his love language. We all need some level of affirmation, and there are things to tell your husband to help him feel loved. Husbands and wives both need verbal love from their spouse, and I’m working on doing a better job of letting Mark know how much I respect and appreciate him.

As terrible as it sounds, I had to give it some thought as to how to make sure the affirmation I gave him packed some punch. When Mark and I were writing a “his and hers” set of books for husbands and wives, I  found a blog on Mark’s site that he had written about what husbands want to hear from their wives.  

Scary! Do you think he was trying to give me a hint? I was afraid to ask! But I am going to take him at his word and try these 7 things wives should tell their husbands on him…we will see if he notices 🙂

1. “I love being your wife.”

As simple as it sounds, husbands want to know that their wives are content in their marriage and truly enjoy just being with them. When is the last time you thanked your husband for marrying you? Don’t just assume he knows you still love being with him. Tell him!

2. “I’m really attracted to you.”

It’s a myth that women are always more looks-conscious than men. As guys’ hairlines begin to recede and stomachs start protruding, they can become very sensitive about their appearance. Never joke about how your husband looks. Tell him he’s hot and how attracted you are to him.

3. “I really respect the decision you made.”

No surprise here. Mark, is big on being respected, especially by me. When a man makes a decision, especially a tough one, he doesn’t want his wife being critical of it. He wants to know that his wife is behind him and admires his ability to make good decisions. That’s not to say you shouldn’t share your thoughts with him, but also affirm his ability to make good decisions.

4. “I’m so grateful for your spiritual leadership.”

All of us are hardwired for a relationship with God, and many men want to be seen as the spiritual caretakers of their families. Encourage your husband in his faith and thank him for taking his role as a spiritual leader seriously.

5. “You are so wise.”

Many men are born problem solvers and relish the process of thinking through something and arriving at a solution. This, incidentally, is why your husband is always trying to “fix” your problems when all you want him to do is listen (which happens in our marriage all the time!). When that happens, your husband is expressing love to you by trying to help you. Express love to him in return by emphasizing to him that you trust his wise judgment.

6. “You’re an outstanding father.”

Deep in the heart of every man is the desire to be seen as a hero—especially to his children. Compliment your husband for being a good father. Specifically, tell him why he is your kids’ hero. And as soon as possible, maybe tonight at dinner, tell your children why he is so special.

7. “I appreciate how hard you work to provide for our family.”

There are many things in life that your husband cannot control, but one he can control is effort. It brings him great pleasure to work hard and see the results. To directly control and be the man responsible for creating something from nothing thrills him. Encourage his great work ethic and desire to provide for your family.

How do you let your husband know that you appreciate him? Let me know. There are some other really simple ways you can let your husband know in our new book Lists to Love By for Busy Wives.

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  • El Pirhey

    Good list. Early on in our marriage I heard these (except #2).

    • Nice!

      • El Pirhey

        but that was early on. I don’t hear them anymore … and as I mentioned, I never heard #2. Next summer we’ll separate.

  • Katherine Gunther

    I’m only missing 2 out of 7 not bad but my husband is not religious so that 1 of the 2. I’m lucky I have an amazing husband so saying those things come naturally no matter how chaotic or what’s gone wrong I always like to remind home how great he is

    • Katherine–thank you for sharing that you have an amazing husband. It is so encouraging to hear about the good marriages. My, Mark, is amazing too!

  • Lisa

    Sometimes I’m feeling it and sometimes not, but when I am, I make sure to say it. If I’m thinking something positive, I make sure he hears it. That’s when it’s really real, you know?

  • Rosanna Gray

    I find it hard to compliment my husband on some of the things listed as he is on disability and he no longer works for the family and so when it comes to the hard working for the family I fall short on compliments. Also, I can not get my husband to go to church so I have a tough time with the spiritual leadership. Any suggestions?

    • Rosanna, thanks for sharing! I think the biggest thing I would say is pray for your husband. Beg God for a few things: that your husband’s heart would soften toward going to church with you and also that he would grow to be the spiritual leader that the Lord wants him to be.

      As for complimenting his work, try complimenting him on his parenting skills, or how he helps around the house. Everyone thrives off of knowing that they are needed, so validate his current position in the family! Especially in front of the kids or in public.

    • Elizabeth

      Rosanna – To add to Susan’s response, I was once lamenting about my husband not going to church with us. The person I was talking to asked if I got on my knees to pray. They said something like, ‘don’t you think God can hardly resist a woman on her knees on behalf of her husband?’ It pierced me. I began kneeling after that. It took a few years, but my husband is now saved (no pushing on my part, just lived it for myself, and let hit happen), attends and enjoys church, and is absolutely just ‘blossoming.’ He’s assuming his role as spiritual leader as he is led to do so. I’m enjoying watching him grow in the Lord!