Matt sent me his book, A Story Unfinished: 99 Days with Eliot as a gift several weeks ago. A friend provided this weekend on the beach to rest and read. The combination was what Matt would call a rainbow just for me. I know Matt and his story; I did not know that he had the rare gift to write words never conceived in my literarily finite mind but echoed in my heart. The page above was the beginning of what spoke to my heart in Matt’s words…
But with Eliot I rounded corners to rainbows made for me. I had no explanation. I knew in that instant that some things in life are incapable of comprehension. Instead of reaching for clarifications or allowing my preset mechanism of deduction to take over, I began to see that claiming a relationship with the God of the universe is many things, but rational is not one of them. I was the biggest critic of my own developing margin for the inexplicable…
How could God bring any scintilla of goodness from the sickness of my son? I do not know. I cannot see it. But I believe it–by faith. This acceptance does not mean I do not ask hard questions; but I allow for faith and mystery to fill in the cracks of His towering ways over my own.
Instead of a margin for mystery, it seems we are prone to craft God in our own image. Because we are all we understand. But I found myself thankful for the unexplainable. Hope springs anew from the understanding that I do not and will not–this side of eternity–understand all the muances of losing my son. And understanding seemed a lousy goal in and of itself…
I now leave margin for the unexplainable nature of God. I acknowledge the rainbows that were made for me. I have left the shores that felt so firm. Eliot’s life would not let me sip drinks with umbrellas on life’s beach. Through my son, God called me into the deep waters of His mystery and fullness. I still claw and scratch and demand answers, but I also sit and simmer and make a list in the waiting, one that I know will not be checked off until the shadows come fully into view in eternity.
I met Matt Mooney in November of 2009, three years after he lost his son, Eliot. Matt was in Tampa to receive the Wilber Dungy award, presented by Tony Dungy at our Family First banquet. He also received a standing ovation from the audience after they watch his video 99 Balloons documenting Eliot’s life.
A Story Unfinished was released on July 1, 2013.
