Parenting

Does Your Child Need A Friend?

If only my child had one good friend… Ahhh, how many times I have thought this!  

A good friend, a really good friend – is worth their weight in gold—a childhood friend that is loyal in the face of peer pressure, like-minded in values, kind and thoughtful, and… I could go on and on.   

My oldest has that kind of friendship. It began in pre-k and has survived twenty years of peer-pressure, puberty, boyfriends, and separation in different colleges. At the other end of the spectrum, one of my children had only one good friend. Unfortunately, while the friendship did not end, they grew apart. When they were halfway through high school they took different paths. Most of the kids she knew took the same path as her friend. My daughter was busy, involved but relationally lonely.

There may be times in your child’s life when your child needs a friend but friends are not an option. Your child may not be able to find a good friend or your child may find one that is not a wise or healthy choice. Don’t leave them to suffer through it. There are a few things you can do:

Help Your Child Make the Right Friendship Choices

When kids are young it is important to teach them the qualities of a good friend. This was harder for me with my girls who occasionally had frenemies. They tended to tolerate the friendship of girls who were unkind. Often moms feel unkind and even guilty intervening in unhealthy friendships but you shouldn’t. It is far worse for you to let your child become used to being treated poorly in relationships. Friendships are a training ground for dating and marriage. iMOM.com has a great article about when to intervene in friendships and how.

Be the Friend Your Child Needs

If your child is alone, step in and be a friend.  Watching our child stay home alone on Friday and Saturday nights presented my husband and me with a challenge. It was not an option to leave her alone. With four other children and lots of weekend sports and activities, we had to have a plan. One of us would have to be there and be available to do something with this child. Divide and conquer. Family and friend.

It was a sacrifice on our part, to always be home and available (you know teens they don’t often plan ahead). But it was a joy, too. Looking back, when most teens are so anti-parent and absent from the home, we had the opportunity to create great memories.  The friendship was a little lopsided as far as give and take, but looking into the future I foresee a time when I may be a bit lonely in my old age.  If I need a friend I can guess who will sacrifice for me.

Does your child need a friend? If so, how do you meet the need?

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