Our giving got away from us this last year for the first time in our married life.
I still get a pang in my heart about it.
Since Mark and I married we have always been very purposeful about giving a set percentage, and more if needed, of our gross income to church, several non-profits, missionaries and individuals in need. We gave last year but not at the level I would have liked. The year just got away from us. The house flood and renovation were more than expected, the replacement of what we lost was more than expected and the condo rent to live while our house was completed was more than we expected. And still we were paying for college tuitions and life with five children.
Sounds justifiable, doesn’t it? But it doesn’t feel that way when I sit in my new, old house. It feels selfish. I did not put the giving first. I was busy and I wasn’t thinking, I was surviving. And then the end of the year came and it was all there in black and white – the getting and the giving.
We fell short on giving.
I know God forgives me. But I won’t be worthy of that forgiveness if I don’t learn from my mistake and do it differently this year. Conviction about wrong-doing, AKA selfish sin in my case, is painful but a great motivator to change. And if I change that means I’ve truly repented for my mistake and turned from the path that will lead me back to the same mistake.
Conviction without change means the mistake will be repeated over and over. Who wants that?
Conviction with repentance means I am learning and turning–growing and in this situation giving.
The house is done, no needs there. We all have enough clothes, no needs there. We will have a third tuition added this year, but we will plan. My car is 10 years old and has 100,000 miles on it, but unless it totally dies, I am not getting a new one.
Because this year I will get less and I will give more.
And that feels good.
