is a good place to be. That is where I am today. I am thankful. Not that yesterdays surgery was a terribly dangerous one but it was the 7th for this crazy heart. I have a faulty little gadget running this body. My heart, and its unpredictability, is a constant reminder to me of the tenuousness of my life.
It is a good reminder. One that I need. It reminds me to really love those that I love. Every surgery forces me to review my life in case this is the end of my life. Every surgery is a run through of what I will be thinking about when my heart finally does go over the edge.
When my heart first began misbehaving I was 17 and I had a cardiac arrest. In the moment that my life seemed suspended, my heart ached for people only. Not one vision of anything material. So I know from experience that when I do have that final moment my thoughts will not be filled with worry about work, bills, grades, or laundry. Nope, my thoughts will be only of people, only the ones I love.
