Tough times can come into any marriage at any time. For my friend Lauren Dungy, one of a tough times for her came when she had to move her family at a moment’s notice because of her husband’s new job. She and Tony had been living in Pittsburgh, just down the road from her family. The move took them and their two young children hundreds of miles away. Here’s how Lauren handled it.
The cold January morning started off like so many others. I bundled up Tiara and Jamie in matching red snowsuits and headed over to the library for story time. As a former teacher, I loved the opportunity to introduce them to good books; as a stay-at-home mom, I relished the chance to get out and mix with other young moms.
Just before the librarian asked us to sit down so she could start the story, Tony rushed in, looking for me. He really caught me off guard. My first thought was, Oh, he came to surprise the kids and join us for story time. How sweet! But I could tell by the expression on his face that something was troubling him. Pulling me aside, he quietly told me about a disturbing request Coach Noll had just made of him. Chuck had asked him to step down as defensive coordinator and resume his former position coaching the defensive backs. I had barely taken that in when Tony mentioned that he was thinking of looking for a job with another team.
I was stunned and didn’t know what to think. Was Tony actually talking about leaving the Steelers? Just like that? How quickly our idyllic world was being turned upside down. I had always assumed we’d be working for the Steelers forever. Most of the coaches on the staff had been there for over fifteen years, and we had never entertained the thought of moving.
I was close to many of the wives of Steelers’ players, including Paulette Shell, Flo Stallworth, Maxine Willis, and Le’Chelle Johnson. We had developed friendships that went beyond the x’s and o’s of football and had enjoyed so many fun times. Our children went to birthday parties, playdates, and community events together. We watched one another’s kids when one of us had to travel out of town. So I certainly wasn’t anxious to leave my friends, not to mention my family. I guess in the back of my mind I always knew Tony might leave to coach another team. But I had assumed that it would be due to a promotion and that such a move would be sometime in the distant future.
This was the first time I personally experienced the tough side of the NFL. I had seen other families experience it. Whenever players whose wives I had been close with had been cut or traded, I always felt badly. I would stay in touch with them and try to help them deal with the sudden change in their lives. Now it was happening to us, to my family! It was painful, even though Tony pointed out that this might be the Lord’s way of moving us along. That didn’t make it any easier. And, by the way, where was He moving us? We had no idea.
I was crying and very emotional, but I told Tony I would support him either way. If he wanted to look for another job, I didn’t mind moving. That was the sacrifice you made for life in football. I was in it with him.
Find the rest of Tony and Lauren’s story in their new book, Uncommon Marriage: Learning about Lasting Love and Overcoming Life’s Obstacles Together.
Our toughest move was not a location move. Ours was a career move. Twenty years ago Mark was an attorney with a great practice. I had just left banking to stay at home with Megan. We got involved with a non-profit and Mark was doing all their legal work for free. When it came time to hire a director to actually head up the organization they asked Mark if he would help interview candidates.
I will never forget the day he came home and tossed the job description in my lap for the Director position. I read it looked up at him and he said, “who do we know that could do that job?” I didn’t even pause, “you,” I answered. And he said, “that’s what I was thinking.”
Everyone advised against it. It was a huge financial risk, but we knew this risk was for us. We are still at it. The sacrifices, challenges and growth of Family First (All Pro Dad, iMOM, Family Minute, Mark Merrill, School Programs) from then to now have been a roller coaster. Sometimes it is a thrill and other times I feel as if I could throw up! But when I look at the big picture of what God has accomplished I see a multitude of families that have grown in their ability to love well.
I am thankful that I stood by my man. It has been well worth it!
