One day I was riding in the car with my mother in law. She is lovely! I mean it—she kind of floats along in this happy, Pollyannaish bubble that my more intense, analytical nature can only keep afloat for about three minutes.
We picked up the kids from school, and the curve balls started coming towards me at 95 miles per hour from every direction. All I heard was a cacophony of “Mom, can I…” None of the requests were outlandish, but none were possible because we had plans. I just hate having to shoot them down. So I braced myself for the fast balls I knew were coming next – “Mom, I never get to…”
It was a familiar scene, but it rapidly dispelled as my mother in law effortlessly distracted them with happy questions about their day. She is so smooth. It got me thinking. How did she handle such barrages when she was raising three strong-willed boys? So I asked her.
And her Pollyannaish answer was – she would smile and drive. That’s it. No answer. She would smoothly talk about the wonder of the day until they had settled down and moved on. She had all positive interactions, no negative ones. She never told them, “No,” but by using this positive twist there was no arguing, negotiating, whining or complaining. So simple!
I do have one word of caution for this tactic – don’t use it all the time. Save it for trivial requests like “can we get ice cream” for the 5th time that week. Trivial questions are not worth engaging about. Important questions should never be ignored or your child will grow frustrated. Then again, sometimes just let them have the ice cream!
