Ah, now that is the mom question of the decade!
In the last ten to twenty years, there has been an explosion of extra-curricular activities. And it is a multidimensional, 3-D explosion. There are now a million types of activities, offered for more ages and with an alarmingly intense level of competition.
It’s enough to intimidate Rocky Balboa. That being said, some kids love it. That being said, some kids don’t.
You don’t want your child to be a quitter but, on the other hand, you don’t want to force something that will cause your child regret. We floundered around over committing our family for several years and landed on the following extra-curricular philosophy by ages.
4-8 years old – Have at any activity you want but you only get one at a time.
8-13 years old – Lets get it narrowed down and commit a little more to maybe two a year, again, only one at a time.
14-18 years old – Choose one and commit till you make another team.
So what this meant in our house is that if you began an activity you finished it. If ballet ran for a year you better think long and hard because that is a long commitment. We would want the child to see it through and experience the recital. If baseball ran for three months you needed to stay and support the team for the entire season and then you could try something else.
Now in high school we really wanted our children to commit and progress in something. One chose swimming, one performing arts, one football, etc. If they found for whatever reason that the program or activity was not what they wanted, they had to make another team before they quit. This kept them from drifting in high school at an age when they needed to plug in and develop a resume for college.
There are always exceptions that allow for rule changes. We have been in a situation where the coaching was not in our child’s best interest. We have been in a situation where an opportunity arose and a change was made with an activity to allow for the opportunity. However, in all of these situations, consideration was given as to what was the right and honorable thing to do for all involved. Commitments are the prelude to contracts and children need to learn to honor them.
The only caution I would add is that if your child is very young and very upset about an activity and wants to quit you need to figure out why. Observe the class or practice every day, not just once – commit to going with them. Is something going on that your young child cannot verbalize and so they are frustrated or afraid? You must also give careful consideration to the different temperaments and possible manipulations of your child.
Finally, relax about it all – the reality is that most of our children are not going to be professional athletes or rock stars. With that in mind, the purpose of extra-curricular activities is for character building, making like minded friends and having fun.
