Parenting

Uncertain About Discipline

Amy wrote to iMOM:

Susan,
I wondered if you think my response to my 9 year old daughter’s remark was too harsh.  She has displayed a rather sullen attitude lately at the prospect of not getting exactly the wishes she has granted.  When I asked her to help spread up some tuna sandwiches, she glared and me and marched exaggerated to the kitchen.  I stopped her and asked her what was so wrong about tuna sandwiches.  She was chagrined at the idea of eating such boooooooring food when SHE wanted peanut butter and jelly!   In about 2 sentences I reminded her that some children around the world don’t even have moms and dads, and they definitely don’t have healthy food, and she is VERY blessed.  She threw back at me with a horrifically, angry scowl and clenched fists, “I AM NOT BLESSED!” 

I calmly announced then that we would do an experiment.  I would remove all things from her room, save for what a poor child might have – 2 changes of clothes, 1 toy and 1 book – extreme necessities.
I was SHOCKED at the reaction, she came sobbing at my feet that she is sorry and she IS blessed, and my oldest, always a campaigner for justice, flew into a tizzy of “that is SOOOO unfair!!!, SOOO CRUEL!!”  We homeschool, so I really don’t think she’ll be made fun of at our home for wearing the same outfits all week.  Was this too extreme of me?  Should I have backed off with the threat alone or follow through?  I notice that my daughter gets very repentent to AVOID punishment though, not because of a real change of heart, but my other quite fair daughter thinking I was outrageous has me a bit less confident in going through with it..  Please let me know if you can!  ( I realize you are probably getting hundreds of emails, so if I don’t hear back from you I’ll understand) 

Sincerely,
Amy

When I read Amy’s email an all too familiar feeling washed over me – the feeling of being tossed about by uncertainty.   You see, between my 5 teenage children, I can easily claim the title “Meanest Mom in the World” on a weekly basis.  I’d like to lie and say it doesn’t bother me but in the heat of the moment – it does. And it causes me to doubt…did I do the right thing, did I overreact, is this going to damage our relationship, maybe I should have just ignored it and maybe he won’t do it again.  This self inflicted torment often has a deeper impact on my heart than the consequence for wrong doing on my child.  This of course makes me even more uncertain about taking on future battles and so the uncertainty cycle continues.
Amy and I enjoyed encouraging one another in this.  I shared with her that one of my children lost her large bedroom for a smaller one – permanently. 

As moms it is our hearts desire to see our children grow up to be kind, thankful, gracious and on and on, but it is difficult to take the time and emotional energy to train them to become that way. So let me encourage you to keep on training and do not fear if you are in the running for the “Meanest Mom in the World” title.  You are not alone!

Print Friendly, PDF & Email