Marriage

What to Do When You’re Not in the Mood

August 19, 2015

There is a lot that goes into making a marriage great, and it’s important to talk about the basics like loving your husband well, making him a priority, and spending time together. But there is a huge part of marriage that we can be afraid to talk about realistically. Yes, I’m talking about sex! When you have kids, employees, and friends to serve and love, it can be hard to have energy left to love on your husband. Yet of all the people I love, he is the one I care about and want to please most. So I’ve had to figure out how to make Mark a priority when I’m tired, distracted by the kids, and flat out not in the mood.

One important thing I have learned is that sometimes, I have to get myself in the mood. Mark’s love language is physical touch, and he craves physical affection and intimacy from me. But when I’m just not feeling it, I can still choose to love selflessly and put him first. What that has looked like for me is sending the kids to bed early, lighting candles, putting on some music, and having a glass of wine. I have found that when I make an effort to get in the mood, it is always worth it. The sex may not be earth-shattering every time, but loving Mark well and becoming more connected with him is beautiful.

In this frank discussion, Mark and I talk about sex in marriage, and I share a little about my struggle with getting in the mood. So if you’re like me and want to know how to improve intimacy in your marriage and strengthen your connection with your spouse, here’s what to do when you’re not in the mood.

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